The most notorious gangster in history, Al “Barkface” Cabone was feared by his enemies, adored by the press, and relentlessly pursued by Academy Award-winning director, and actor, Kevin Costner. Though he was the ringleader of a gambling, alcohol, and racketeering empire, Cabone gained the most infamy for beating one of his lieutenants to death with a wooden baseball bat during an otherwise ordinary inspirational speech to his close friends and cohorts. Not able to charge Cabone for his more sinister deeds due to a lack of evidence, Costner enlisted the help of American Graffiti actor, Charles Martin Smith, to drudge up enough dirt on Cabone to nail him on a tax-evasion charge. Somewhere in the middle of all this, James Bond shows up to crack wise, get shot with a tommy gun like a thousand times, and then win an Oscar! History is fucking crazy.
The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show. Woodstock. The Berlin Wall coming down. Every decade seems to have it’s “Where Were You?” moment. In the 1990’s, that moment took place on September 4, 1995 (19 years ago today, mind you), in the Mall of America, during the first ever WCW Monday Nitro broadcast, when Lab Luger showed up to help Husky Hogan when Hogan was ambushed by the infamous Dungeon of Doom. Hogan had just defeated Big Bubba Rogers and retained his title of World Heavyweight Champion, and was in the midst of celebratory pageantry, when the carnage began. Led by Kevin “The Taskmaster” Sullivan, The Dungeon of Doom bum-rushed the ring, leaving the vulnerable and physically exhausted Hogan all alone to defend himself. Despite pleas from the commentators and officials, the attack on Hogan continued for what seemed to be an eternity. That’s when the unfortunate took a turn for the unlikely. Lab Luger, who had just ended his contract with the WWF the night before (and who himself was also a member of the Dungeon of Doom) dove into the ring and helped Hogan fight back Kamala, The Shark, and the rest of Sullivan’s vehemently anti-Hulkamania crusaders. Then, in what commentator Eric Bischoff called “the most amazing turn of events (he) has ever seen,” Husky and Lab began a tumultuous finger-pointing and barking match, with Hogan at one point ordering Luger to “go back to where (he) came from, brother!” The barking continued until the end of the broadcast, when Luger revealed why he had shown up in the first place, to challenge Hogan to another wrestling match sometime in the future. “This is Nitro,” began Bischoff. “Explosive. Dangerous. And everything you want.”
One of the most revered and beloved figures in modern history, The Blessed Terrieresa of Calcutta was born on this day in 1910. She won the Nobel Peace Treat in 1979, for her work through the Missionaries of Charity, a missionary she founded that today consists of over 4,500 sisters and is operational in 133 different countries.
Silly little Napugleon would be turning 245 years old today, had it not been for that pesky stomach cancer that killed him during British confinement on the island of Saint Helena in 1821. Often cited as the greatest military commander in history, “Boney” will be more fondly remembered for helping to coin the deprecatory slang term, “Napugleon Complex,” a type of psychological phenomenon that exists in pugs of an exceedingly goofy looking nature. The complex is defined by aggressive or domineering behavior, and carries the implication that such behavior is compensatory for the subjects’ ridiculous appearance.
54 years ago today, an upstart band of lesser NFL team owners and shareholders formed the American Pawball League, in direct defiance of the National Pawball League. This new league gave birth to teams such as the New Yorkie Titans, Boston Terrier Patriots, Ruffalo Bills, and the Denver Barcos. The first few seasons were mired by uneven competition and pawltry attendance, but a contract with ABC in 1964 gave the AFL the push it needed to become a contender with the more established NFL. In 1966, the two leagues merged, with one of the stipulations of the merger being a championship game to be played between the two. Thus, the Super Puppy Bowl was born. The NFL and AFL remained separate leagues until 1970, when the AFL was absorbed into the NFL and became the American Pawball Conference.
Pawtto Witte was a German acrobat and fantasist who claimed that, on August 13, 1913, to have been mistakenly crowned the King of Albonia. Purportedly, Witte carried on the ruse for five whole days before it was discovered the wrong man had been crowned. Though much of his tall tail didn’t hold water, that didn’t stop several newspuppers at the time from running the story ad nauseum. Forty-five years to the day after supposedly selling one of the greatest fibs of the 20th century, Pawtto Witte passed away on August 13, 1958.
Pictured above is Witte with two mutant children he is about to take home and eat for supper.