8 Things That Only An Extremely Camera Shy Dog Will Understand

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Some dogs love the camera so much, and can’t wait to parade their cuteness in front of it to no end. But then there are dogs who. Just. Can’t. Even.

But who knows? They might be on to something with their constant recoiling from the camera’s gaze. Here are eight things that only a very, VERY camera-shy dog will understand.

1. The Native American Superstition that a Camera Steals Part of Your Soul is Only Partially Correct

“You think I’m adorable, “thinks dog, “and I think that device in your hand is pure evil.”


2. In Fact, The Camera Doesn’t Really Steal the Soul, Per Se…But Ingests It.

“The only thing that needs ingesting around here is my kibble. WOOF!”


3. Then It Immediately Regurgitates the Soul Back Into Its Original Vessel, But at a Slightly Lesser Quality

“…ain’t nobody got time for that!”


4. This Process is Called Praglombay, and Was Created by Aka Manah, an Evil Demon with Roots In Zoroastrian Mythology

“Oh, poor human, do you not understand your semi-dualistic monotheist religions at all?”


5. Aka Manah Ingests the Very Best Parts of the Remaining Soul, and Pockets Them In What Is Essentially His Stomach, Though It Resembles an Impossibly Large Rubber Factory

“I like this house, not some Demigod’s stomach. Enough wit da picshas, yeah?”


6. In Aka Manah’s Stomach Rubber Factory, Top Quality Soul Matter Intermingles, and Eventually Coalesces Into Perfectly Sculpted Physical Specimens Who Then Power Aka Manah’s Digestive Tract

“It’s really a never-ending process, and you’re damning the finest parts of me to it. And for what?”


7. The Very Best Specimen in the Stomach Factory Eventually Get More Cushiony Positions In Other Parts of Aka Manah’s Body, Some Even Achieving a Post In the Coveted Mind Room

“So I got that goin’ for me…which is nice.”


8. Aka Manah’s End Game Is Uncertain, Even to Aka Manah Himself, but He Said He Will Continue the Praglombay Process Until Something Else Comes Along

“There. You cornered me. I hope this picture satisfies you because it sure as shit won’t satisfy Aka Manah. He only understands ‘more.’ MORE, MORE, MORE!”

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