Now… sit! And staaaaayyy… We’ve got a greatest movie list to get through, so I’m gonna need y’all to be good boys and girls now, okay? You’ll get a treat when this is over. All right, just click on the link below to start the countdown. C’mon… You can do it…
11. WOOF BY WOOFWEST
Dir: Alfred Hitchcocker
Often not cited as Hitchcocker’s finest (that would be Vertichew or Rear-End Window), we at OldPups love this movie because there’s that one famous crop-dusting scene where Hairy Grant rolls around in the dirt and he gets soooo dirty by the end of the scene that he’s just like a filthy dog.
Teehee! Love it. SO DIRTY!
10. ANNIE HOUND
Dir: Woofy Allen
Sure, this is Woofy’s crowning achievement, worthy to be slobbered over for its intellectual barbs and all that jazz… But we included it here mainly because of the scene when Woofy sneezes onto the plate of cocaine, ending the party in one fell swoop. Us doggies always sneeze at random times, but I don’t know any pup who ever ended an upscale coke party because of it! It’s so outrageously improbable that it makes us pant with feverish delight!
Just imagine a bunch of cocaine right under his nose…about to be blown into the ethos. Crazy!
9. BARKFAST AT TIFFANY’S
Dir: Blake Edwoofs
What’s not to love? Audrey Hepbone’s “Howlly GoesNightly” character holds a nameless cat hostage the entire movie, ordering the feline to do her bidding, and entertain her every sexual desire. This, of course, all had to be buried in the subtext of the film, for the ratings board at the time of release would not permit such salaciousness. But the scene that gives us the most pleasure is the finale, when the cat feels like it has finally escaped the clutches of its captor, only to be discovered and dragged back into a life of forced sexual servitude.
A rare moment of happiness for a creature that really deserves none.
8. WIZARD OF PAWZ
Dir: Victongue Fleming
Of course the most famous movie dog in history was gonna make an appearance on this list! Really, though, our big problem with Toto is the fact that he didn’t really do very much. The title WIZARD OF PAWZ suggests that when Dogothy Gale and her new friends pull back the curtain, it would be Toto back there, pulling the strings. But, no…Toto spends the entire movie doing what a regular dog would do: Run around on all-fours, bark, look cute, and jump into Dogothy’s arms when dramatically necessary. Might as well have cast this fella in the part:
I Googled “Regular Dog” and this guy was the top image result. Would’ve been JUST as effective as Toto in our opinion.
7. IT’S A WONDERFUL SMELL
Dir: Frank Collie
The story of this classic has always resonated with us. A small town pup chases the perfect smell his entire life, only to fail at finding it time and time again. So one day he wishes he was born without a snout, and through the help of a bumbling guardian angel, gets his wish. Soon he learns to appreciate the nastiest smells life has to offer. It’s really as beautiful as it smells, so give it a whiff sometime if ya’ haven’t already.
Did you know that pups rely more on their sense of smell than they do on their sight? Cool, huh?
6. ARF WARS
Dir: George Lickus
You might think it’s strange that we’d pick the original ARF WARS over its more acclaimed sequel THE EMPIRE BITES BACK. But even more strange to you would be the reason why. We here at OldPups are totally comfortable having intimate relations with our siblings. It’s just something that comes natural to us. AND–we also watched the ARF WARS movies in the story’s chronological order, meaning we started with THE PUPPY MENACE. So we knew going into ARF WARS that Luke and Leia were brother and sister. When we saw them kiss, we initially thought that this was one of the bravest movies ever made. Subsequent films in the series would ruin this subplot and kill any chance of the two ever hooking up, but we remain romantic about ARF WARS’ early promise. Oh, and Chewbacca is really awesome too.
Aren’t these brother and sister dogs just the cutest? For the record, they really wouldn’t mind humping each other.
5. LABRADOR OF ARABIA
Dir: David Leanpup
This classic is a true wonder to behold! I’m not even talking about the story–which I’m not even sure what that is–I’m only talking about the amazing locations. And even more specifically than the locations, I’m talking about one particular part of the locations– the sand. There is so much sand in this doggone movie, and it drives me so wild! I love eating sand, pooping in sand, eating some more sand, defecating some jelly type substance because my insides are turning funny because of all the sand ingestion, etc. Love, love, LOVE sand! So I love, love, LOVE this movie!
Now THIS is what real happiness looks like (before death due to excessive sand consumption).
4. THE DOGFATHER
Furry Ford Copuppla
You’d think that nearly three hours of pups talkin’ tough and killin’ each other would be a real downer. But when it’s done with such gravitas and style, you can’t help but just sit down and bark! Also, we don’t really like horses, because naturally we’d love to be able to physically handle having humans ride on our backs. So our darker, more envious side really loves the infamous “horse head” scene.
I hope we pups evolve BIGGER, so we wipe out these moody pricks once and for all one day.
Dir: Michael Curterrier
Still no better Hollywood romance to get your hump on to, in our opinion. It’s the World War 2 story of a pacifist pup who learns to believe in life and love again after a fateful encounter with his ex and her freedom-fighting husband. At least I thiiiink that’s what it’s about. I was able to pick out certain details of the plot while sniffing and penetrating the hind quarters of every female within a thirty foot radius during the screening. There’s something about the way Bonegart says to Bergpup, “Here’s sniffing at your butthole, kid.” that makes me wanna mount the first lassie I see, and ride that crazy little bitch ’till sun-up.
1. BLAMED FOR PASSING WIND
Dir: Victongue Fleming (again?!)
List hog Victongue Fleming shows up again with this 17 and a half-hour epic that certainly raised the bar for what a motion picture could be. At the same time, this movie’s central idea is quite absurd. BLAMED FOR PASSING WIND seems to suggest that one very stinky, very ill-timed gas passage started The Civil War. Though that premise is ridiculous, the surrounding film that supports it is probably the most entertaining movie of all time, and beautiful to look at to boot!
Picture of some dog standing in a field.
Okay, you made it through the list. Here’s your treat: